How I nearly got divorced….

“You’ve done BEEP! BEEP! what?” were his words to me as I told my husband what I had done. “I can’t believe you could do this to me.” he fumed. I had never seen him this angry. I had committed a terrible sin. I had been running through this moment in my head for a few weeks now, making plans, ensuring everything was in place but could not wait any longer to tell him.

Ten minutes later, we were in the car, the kids silent, my laid back, usually, laughing and joking husband not speaking to me. We left the house and drove for what felt like an eternity, the atmosphere tense. One of the kids piped up “Will Dad be ok when we leave him?” No one responded.

Dropping him off, me and the kids drove away. I knew I would not have to face my husband for a while and when I did there would be people around so he would not make a scene. As time went by, I was becoming more anxious as to how he would react when he saw me next.

Later that day, my husband returned, catching sight of him, he looked like a broken man – what had I done. I put a brave face on but inside I was full of regret. Would this be the end, had I gone too far this time.

Neither of us spoke about this heinous crime I had committed; a few weeks went by and the hatred was still there as the sessions continued. No one knew, even the kids were banned from speaking about it - then we went into Lockdown.

A week into lockdown and I heard my husband on the phone to his mate “Yes, it’s a lady!” I heard him say “My wife and ‘another’ women had planned it all along, it’s been going on for ages.” He whispered  

“It’s a women!” I could hear his mate saying.

“Yes, just me and her, together,” replied my husband.

“Bloody hell mate is she a looker?” I heard his mate asking questioningly.

“I’m in too much of a state to say if she is good looking” my husband explained.

Hiding round the corner I tried to listen to the conversation, were there positives starting to come from this? Had my husband started to accept the situation and was beginning to open up about it. “At least we are in lockdown and it can’t happen anymore” he said triumphantly to his friend. My husband had underestimated mine and the ‘Locky’s’ tenacity.

It was a Monday morning, a couple of days into lockdown. “You have got to be BEEP BEEP joking, there is no way I’m doing that!” he exclaimed, fear and anger crossing his stubborn face. “You can stick that suggestion where the sun doesn’t shine, are you trying to kill me – I might die?”

“But why not, what’s wrong with doing it online, it’s the future, we can all do it together?” I whined. “Are you too scared?” I said knowing that inside, I had a competitive husband.

“I don’t want people to see me!” he challenged “I don’t like people seeing this unfit middle-aged man being tortured both physically…..and mentally by ‘a leggings clad lady’.” His grumpiness level started to rise.

“But you have been out in public with her regularly – just the two of you at PT!” I exclaimed. “Let’s try it, me, you and ‘Locky’ on the screen.”

“And you are sure that no one will see me, I don’t want to be seen by others who will take the piss.” He replied grumpily, his argument slowing falling by the wayside.

“No one can see you!” I answered, getting more and more frustrated. “I promise you, just log on.”

So at 5.45am the next day, I woke my snoring husband up. He is not a morning person. I had already accepted that I would receive a constant commentary of how I could make him get up at this time. When a super cheerful and bouncy ‘Locky’ appeared on the computer screen the grumpiness level went into overdrive. “I’m not doing that! What idiots do this at this time in the morning? it’s a bloomin’ joke.”

“Just stop moaning and get on with it!” I said, irritation in my voice.

“But YOU woke me up and YOU are making me do this!” He muttered with a mix of annoyance and anger.

As the session continued, I could see him watching me out of the corner of his eye.

“How many of those things where you flop on the floor and jump up can you do?” He asked questioningly.

“More than you!” I replied challengingly.

“But you’re not doing it right.” He challenged back. And so as ‘Locky’ enthusiastically leapt about like Tigger the tiger on screen the competition started. Who could outdo the other?

These sessions continued everyday and I started to notice a difference in my husband. As the year progressed, he had gone from pure hatred of these early morning online gatherings to just mild moaning. Zoom calls with his mates now involved conversations about his 6am exploits and that to quote him “Its good to get a session in early!” Was this the same man who threatened divorce when I first told him about his PT meeting with an unknown lady in the local park all those months back?

As the year progressed and lock down slowly eased, he continued to log in online under an alias. Never brave enough to leave the safe confines of the dining room / home gym for fear that he will be seen in public. A stone lighter, a clothing size down and 100% less stressed he continues to work out online at 6am, three times a week.

He won’t admit that it has helped him through testing times and that he is so much fitter than he was a year ago (that would mean admitting I was right from the beginning!) but I think that he is secretly proud of what he has achieved, I know I am.

And just to be clear, will I tell my husband that I have written this….we will see…